I don’t know if you noticed or not but my weight was updated in the sidebar on Friday. Two Hundred Pounds. It should not shock me, I knew what the result would be in feeding my face with no activity.
But it did shock me, too much actually and I tried to pretend I didn’t see those numbers. In Sep 2002 I weighed 209lbs, that was the start of my journey. In Jun 2005 I got down to 141lbs. I now only weigh 9lbs less than my 2002 start. That is really disheartening and sent me spiralling this weekend into a pit of self loathing that I honestly haven’t felt since 2002 when I decided I really needed to do something about it.
I really felt the downward spiral starting Saturday morning when I was trying to find something to wear to the dog park. I wasn’t looking for anything dressy, just a pair of capris (all too small) and a tshirt (all too small!). It was too nice to wear heavy winter jeans and a sweater. I finally found a pair of trackpant capris and and a not too tight top. I felt awful and it only got worse and so I ate.
I know, I know – food is what got me into this mess. I have not given up from last week’s restart. I hope though that it will not take me 3 years to lose 50lbs, I don’t think I can do that again. Also, during this journey I plan on getting some help with my food issues so that when I do get back to 150lbs, I will not see myself doing this again.
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Oh girl. I totally understand and can relate. Have been there SO many times. I have no real advice, but I am always here if you need someone to vent to!
By JAckie on 04.27.09 8:58pm | Permalink
http://www.sparkpeople.com
By Zorbs on 04.27.09 9:11pm | Permalink
Oh Trish…I feel your pain, girl! Rebound gains are the worst and most of us have experienced it. The mandatory positive? They usually recharge the batteries and help us focus. You’ll turn this around. I have faith in you! *hugs*
By Courtney on 04.27.09 10:59pm | Permalink
I’m with you Trish, two years ago I was 159lbs, I’m now hovering around 200lbs, part of me says, “who cares, this is who I am” and the other part of me says “I can do this again”, I’m not sure what to do, but I’m tired of getting larger size clothes & hiding from people who haven’t seen me since I was thin, however I have no real desire to start a diet & deal with the hunger and depriving myself of the foods I love – I have no real advice for us, but just no you’re not alone- I never thought I’d be back here at this weight
By Lori on 04.28.09 11:36am | Permalink
You can do this Trish! I’m reading the Beck Diet Solution, it deals with the emotional feelings we all have for food, maybe it could help you.
By Christina on 04.28.09 1:56pm | Permalink
I am beginning to think that our body has certain “set points” where it’s comfortable, and if you hit one of them (or come close), it just settles in for a while. I know that I’ve been back at my “highest weight” for several years now and it takes a lot to move significantly lower whereas I can maintain here effortlessly. Wish I knew something helpful to say, but I know that you know what to do…and you’re in my thoughts.
By Denise on 04.28.09 5:40pm | Permalink
*hugs* I know you can do it, Trish. I’m in the same situation you are right now.
By sarah on 04.28.09 7:53pm | Permalink
I am 100% in your shoes. I lost 35 lbs a few years ago, and gained all but seven pounds back…so I am at 200 lbs., too. I understand the self-loathing – oh boy, do I. :(
I’ve started walking and watching my food, but drastic changes are in the works here. My daughter (14yo) and I are moving toward becoming vegan, since she cannot eat any type of meat or dairy; both give her a headache. I dropped 3 lbs in a week eating this way. “Eat for Health” by Joel Fuhrman, M.D. is the book I’m using. And? And you’ll love this Trish: I drank almost no water. You eat so much fruit and veggies that you get plenty of water that way and don’t need the large amounts of water that most diets recommend (mostly because you are eating a lot of sodium on those diets).
Saying a prayer for you. I totally understand how you feel.
By Claire in CA, USA on 04.28.09 8:13pm | Permalink
You can do it! Just keep going! Don’t give up!!
By Ronise on 04.29.09 8:52am | Permalink
Just wanted to say, me too. I lost 45 lbs back in 2007 and kept it off easily for a year. I gained back about 10 last summer, then up to 20 over the winter, then nearly up to 30. Why does this keep happening???? So I feel ya. I’m doing the “here I go again”…what else can we do? But I feel very judged, like everyone is noticing. I guess how can they not. Still, sucks the big one.
By Jennifer on 04.29.09 4:08pm | Permalink
I can dig it. I’ve been up and down for so many years. I’m back in my pysched mood again. Yay!
It’s a lot of work to stay skinny, isn’t it?
By Teena in Toronto on 04.29.09 11:08pm | Permalink
I’m sorry things have been so difficult for you, but I’m glad you’ve started again and are getting yourself back on track. I used to follow you ages ago when I was going through my own first real stab at weightloss, you probably don’t remember but it was when Bev’s forum was still up? Anyway, it’s nice to ‘see’ you again.
By The Better Idiot on 04.30.09 10:59pm | Permalink
Hey Trish,
Noticed on previous posts you tried a boot camp…
Wanna check out another Toronto boot camp that by the sounds of it is a little more fun and probably more convenient… and designed for women?
Check out http://www.BootyCampFitness.com
We have 20 plus Toronto Boot Camp locations.
If you blog about all 8 weeks, I’ll even give you a free 8 week.
For the Love of Health and Fitness,
JP
By JP on 05.02.09 6:09pm | Permalink